Staying friends with your ex is not an easy decision, it takes time and a lot of guts to be in the life of someone you just broke up with.
I was recently talking to a friend of mine and to my great surprise, he confessed to me that he hangs out with his ex-girlfriend and the strangest thing I heard is that his current girlfriend also knows her.
I asked him without a second thought: "What's it like to still hang out with your ex, but also to have your current girlfriend talk to your ex?"
His response was that he no longer has romantic feelings for his ex and that he is happy to see her happy.
An acquaintance of mine confessed the same thing to me a few days later: she was hanging out with her ex and he was hanging out with her current one.
So much intimacy that I personally don't know if I could tolerate my ex hanging out with my current one, but never say never.
From all these years of writing about exes, but also from my own breakups and from the stories of my friends or acquaintances, it made me think about the thoughts that women have about their exes, especially when it comes to the possibility of remaining friends with them.
Some stay friends with them with the goal of reconnecting, others just to have fun, and others really want their ex in their lives.
However, for someone to stay friends with their ex, this depends on many factors. The main thing, however, is that if someone chooses to keep an old love in their life, it also depends on the reason they broke up with him, but if someone is thinking about a platonic friendship, they should ask themselves how they will achieve this and whether it will succeed.
HAS ENOUGH TIME PASSED?
To enter the friendship zone, you will struggle with your mixed emotions that will complicate this effort. It would be a good idea to take some time before entering this zone, to let a few months pass before taking this big step.
It takes time for your wounds to heal before your ex can automatically become your friend. The amount of time you need to be alone is up to you. But make sure it's enough time to grieve your breakup. During that time alone, try to gain new experiences and don't talk about your breakup all the time.
WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS?
"I want to talk to my ex all the time." We all go through this phase, especially when we're newly divorced, where we only want to talk to our ex. Of course, this also happens when we remain friends with him because we feel a great intimacy with him and there is a deeper relationship.
If you want a friendship with an ex, first understand what exactly you want from this relationship and what level you want it to be at.
But always keep in the back of your mind that you will always be thinking about the possibility of reconnecting, and you should be careful not to get hurt because once you become friends, you will know his personal details.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN ONE OF YOU HAS A NEW RELATIONSHIP?
Certainly, staying friends with your ex requires some sacrifices, such as the fact that you have to accept his new love along the way.
At first, you will both feel uncomfortable and it's natural to want to distance yourself from his life.
Even if you find someone else, it would be a good idea to inform them so that there are no secrets between you. You don't need to give each other many details.
From the moment you move on, you have definitely moved on to the friendship stage, but that doesn't mean that the romantic aspect won't surface at some point.
FAR FROM THE HEX!
I give you 3 basic boundaries that you should set:
DON'T LISTEN TO YOUR FRIENDS
Never, ever let third parties make a decision for you or force them to choose whether to hang out with you or your ex.
Listen carefully to their advice, but until then, you should always do what you want and not torture yourself.
TALK TO YOUR OWN PEOPLE ABOUT THE PAIN THE SEPARATION CAUSED YOU AND NOT TO YOUR EX
Your ex shouldn't be the one to heal/ease the pain of the breakup. You need support to get through it and you can get that from your family and friends. And when you find the next one, don't use them as a replacement for your ex!
The person you just cut ties with shouldn't be the one nursing your pain. You need support, but you can get it from your own.
DON'T MAKE FALSE PROMISES
The end of a relationship requires clarity. A new relationship deserves dignity and you need a fresh start.